eclectic: (wtf)
[personal profile] eclectic
No, seriously. Apparently he doesn't think that's inappropriate, or weird, or abusive coming from a person in a position of power, or anything of the sort.

But that's not all. When I dodged (because god forbid I be forthright and tell him I'm not interested, thankyouverymuch), he started going about how I thought he was ugly, and how I was making a big deal out of nothing, it was just a friendly invitation, and it's not like he was in any of his classes right now, so technically, I was an ex-student. 

The guy's about my age, and has a good heart, but he's a nut-case. He has no sense of what's appropriate, is not all that connected with reality, he's egotistical and has violent outbursts. And I don't think he's attractive. Even if I did, I wouldn't go for it, because, no, just no, he's a professor at my uni. He's helped me out a lot with his courses, I might be his student again at some point. I could go on and on on why I'm not attracted to him, but it's irrelevant. He's my professor.

And then? Then he got offended. He started going about me presuming about his intentions and other shit of the sort. And guilt trips? NOT. COOL. I might have considered talking to him as friends (good guy, blah blah, and yeah, the guilt trip was working, I felt indebted), but fuck that. I will not be pressured into anything I'm not completely comfortable with, I will not be told what I'm thinking and I will not stand for anyone to try to guilt trip me and scare me into anything, much less some entitled asshole trying to force me to go out with him.

I am so fucking pissed, so fucking sick and tired of men not respecting my boundaries and my answers simply because they are mine. I'm fucking sick of of this chauvinistic country where it's OK to get angry at women because they won't fall in line. And I'm really fucking pissed that I will be forced to mend bridges and try to appease him because I can't risk him trying to make my life difficult.

Now what? Who do I tell? Who do I talk about this? He's been pushing me for a long time, he's even asked about my sex life and made veiled comments about finding love, and I was willing to give him a pass because he's had a hard life and doesn't have a great sense of proper, normal social interaction, and seriously, how stupid can I get?. But this is utterly unacceptable from anyone at all, much less from someone that has power over me, and it's what I've made a point of fighting as one of the very few feminist women in this retrograde society.

And I want to cry because I can't risk going public with this and have people turn on me. I want to cry because I'm at the bottom of the pyramid just because I was born with an uterus. It seems so many women spend half their lives with their backs against the wall, fending off abuse as best they can with no hope pf things improving.

This is so fucking unfair. And no matter how much I rage against it? I'm still backed into a corner.

I'm still scared shitless.
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eclectic: (Default)

April 2013

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